Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
When I really think about it, this is probably the most honest article I have ever written. When you decide to become a writer and post your content online…there is a vulnerability that comes along with it. I am writing my thoughts, opinions, and experiences for everyone to read. Its scary enough that someone could judge me on a typo or a sentence that doesn't have a correct comma placement, so imagine the judgment I would get from my actual story. Of course, i didn't decide to become a writer online because I was afraid, I did it so my readers can learn, relate, and feel inspired. So no “fluffy" articles. It’s about to get real…
So what possessed me to publicize the personal lessons I have learned the hard way?
- It’s therapeutic for me to be honest about my mistakes.
- Remind someone out there they're not alone and its okay to fuck up sometimes.
Being an Open Book
This may come off a little contradicting given to what I've just defended earlier in the article about exposing my thoughts and experiences, but this is beyond that. I’ve always thrived in shock value. I would purposely do or say things to people for a reaction, it comes from loving the idea of being the center of attention. I loved feeling like I was the most interesting person in the room. I would tell stories about the trips and scenarios I have gotten into and elaborate on every single detail. However, by doing that, I gave away certain kinds of information to the wrong people that painted me out to be a person I knew deep down I wasn’t. Unfortunately, you can’t control how people view you but you can control what you say to them.
Not Everyone is Your Friend
I have always been a girls girl. I seriously have no guy friends and if I do they are the Will to my Grace. Due to my loyalty and feminine empowerment, I have always been a ride or die for my female friends. So you can imagine how hurtful it is to have a friend gossip about your life, sleep with the guy you're dating, or have someone brush you off when you're going through a lot.
Dating Someone You Work With
Straight up, don't do it. do not do it. DO NOT. F*CKING. DO IT! I'm serious, just don't.
Sometimes its inevitable to date someone you work with, especially if you work all the time. You are around the same people, talking, making friends, and in most cases hanging out outside of work. Sometimes its bound to happen. You would think after one slashing my tires because I didn't want to be with him, would be enough reason to learn this lesson, but obviously not.
I think the reason why I never paid attention to this rule is because I always looked for something exciting. Unfortunately, I looked in the wrong places.
Living Life on a Credit Card
When I was 18 the number one thing I always heard people tell me (as I was entering adulthood) was to build my credit and take care of it. I didn't have credit at 18 so it was hard to get started. When I was 21 I applied for my first credit card and got approved $3,000. I was excited yet scared to be approved so much money (in my standard a lot of money.)
I used the credit card to put a down payment on my car and paid it off in 3 months. Due to paying it off so quickly, my spending limit increased to $3,500. Next thing I know I was spending money and paying it off month to month. My credit score went up and my spending limit kept increasing.
As you can guess it, I started using the credit card to travel. That's when things went downhill from there. From all the time off I was taking to travel, it took the time off I would normally work to pay off those credit card bills. So when I would come back from a trip I would have a phone bill due and use my credit card to pay it. So instead of paying off my credit cards off right away, I was paying rent, car payment, and whatever bill that needed to be paid immediately. Due to this, I fell so far behind on paying my credit card bills that they fell into collections and my credit score fell low.
There was a moment in time where I literally broke down in tears because I wanted to continue the travel lifestyle I had portrayed myself to my friends and social media when in reality I couldn’t. I was thousands of dollars in credit card debt because of it. Now I'm learning to cut back on spending habits and go by what I have in my checking account.
[Full Disclaimer: I will always travel, it will just take me a little longer to save up for than before.]
It Doesn’t Matter
This was hard for me to write because I didn't want to sound like I was putting myself down and didn't want to come off insecure. So here goes…
I want to start off by acknowledging that I find myself very beautiful and I love my body. Period. I know my capabilities, I know what I bring to the table, and I know how powerful I am. Okay. So when I tell you it doesn't matter or guarantee anything, it’s true. Having good looks, being educated, well traveled, and maybe funny sometimes doesn't guarantee “perfect” friends, loyal boyfriends, or privilege. It doesn't matter. It only matters if it means something to you.
It doesn't matter if you have a big ass, big boobs, blue eyes, perfect body, the best education, or a good job. It doesn't guarantee happiness and the true value of whats important for your soul. It doesn't matter.
Jay-Z cheated on Beyonce. BEYONCE. Clearly being the queen of the music industry, philanthropist, feminist, and powerful mother does not guarantee a faithful husband.
Overall what I'm trying to say is don't think you're gonna get a perfect partner or have a perfect life if you think you need to lose weight, have different colored eyes, a different hairstyle, or need to be different than who you are.
I'm telling you right now I do not, I repeat, do not have it all figured out. I still cry about shit that happened 2 years ago or stress about things I cant change. I wake up every morning and immediately my brain is nonstop. I don't have all the answers, and I'm realizing as I get older how little I actually know. But its okay.
There are so many more lessons I have learned the hard way but for now, these are the ones worth mentioning. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this article. Please follow me on my social media platforms and subscribe!
