The Truth About Online Dating : My Experience with Bumble
Normally whenever I'm sitting in my vanity getting ready, I’ll press play on whatever Netflix series that's trending. This particular day I was watching Girls Wanted: Turned On. Season one episode two is what kept my eyes locked on the screen. It followed this ex tv reality star who was currently on 3 dating apps. The episode didn't glorify the positives of online dating, but it intrigued me how this single guy was so infatuated with the easy access of women online. I then thought to myself why not take it for a spin. Since I'm always up for a new experience, I figure I'd make an attempt to create an account and write about it.
Full disclaimer: this isn't my first attempt on online dating. When I was 18 and freshly out of high school, I signed on a dating app called Plenty of Fish. I saw the website advertised on a Britney Spears music video and sort of just went for it. Needless to say, the majority of the guys there were in their mid 20’s obsessed with Witch of Warcraft and couples looking for their thirdperson to fulfill whatever fantasy they needed. I quickly deleted that shit.
My second attempt on online dating was on Tinder and that was about two years ago. I made an account, and quickly learned after 3 days of being online what everyones intentions were…which was to hook up. Obviously…I deleted the account. I never found success on online dating so my mind seemed to have been made up already on the whole idea to begin with.
I often listen to podcasts and remember listening to Sophia Amorouso’s podcast Girlboss on her interview with Whitney Wolfe, creator of Bumble. She originally was the co-founder of Tinder and afterwards created Bumble. Her take on online dating seemed more real and mature. So when I decided to experiment back on online dating I knew immediately I would give Bumble a try.
If you are familiar with Tinder and Bumble skip this paragraph and continue reading the following paragraph, if not then continue reading. Bumble and Tinder is pretty much set up the same. Your profile is created with the link to your Facebook account so automatically your profile is set up with the pictures and location from your Facebook profile. You are then immediately shown a picture of a guy or girl (your sexual orientation preference) and it is up to you to literally judge this person by their looks. If you happen to find them attractive or interesting you swipe right, if not, you swipe left. The way you are matched is if the person happened to swipe right on your picture too, the app would let you know if you've made a connection. Now the difference between Tinder and Bumble is that with Bumble, it is up to the girl to take the first initiative to talk to the opposite sex. Get it? Okay…moving on.
When I made the profile I was immediately stressed out. How could I just judge someone by their picture and decide whether or not I like them. Of course I subsided the anxiety and just started swiping. Eventually I made a connection (more than this amount but who I gradually pursued a conversation with) with three very good looking guys. I quickly noticed how slow paced they were at asking for my number, which I guess makes sense I mean we are meeting online. Nonetheless, they were very interested in getting to know me and continuing conversation. Eventually phone numbers were exchanged and I had three consistent texting buddies. It felt good having consistent text backs. Waking up to good morning texts and nice conversations throughout the day followed by a night text to send me off with a smile before I sleep. However, for someone who does enjoy being on their phone, I still like to be a part of reality and was ready for a date or maybe just a meet up for coffee. I slowly started to realize how unavailable they truly were… “oh something came up," “got caught up at work," “this isn't a good week for me”…they seemed to have been soooo busy. Yet, they were still texting me every single hour of the day just to see what I was up to. I quickly got bored, deleted the account, and stopped replying to the text messages. In all honesty this was an experiment and I had no intentions of actually pursuing anyone. This was for my article and the opportunity for a fun experience. So this is what I concluded from this whole ordeal.
People who find their “soul mates” are truly the rule to the exception, they are apart of that urban myth that “because my friend found her husband on tinder means I'm going to meet my husband on tinder too,” [insert eye roll] But you see people like me who are still figuring it out can call out the bullshit that really goes on with online dating.
Apps like Tinder and Bumble (that I only know of) allow this need for quick validation. You swipe for a person you find somewhat attractive and then you are quickly pressured to come up with something clever enough to have the person respond to you…since saying hello isn't good enough. Even though you made a connection with someone, its still not enough to prove that it is actually worth talking to them. Finally, after forming a somewhat solid dialogue, it could be at any minute that the other person becomes bored enough to stop talking to you and find more people who find them attracted enough to make a connection with. It’s a self absorbing way to meet people and feel good about yourself without really committing to anything substantial because at the end of the day..it’s just an app.
The ironic part about it is the majority of the guys I briefly spoke to genuinely do have busy lives. Some of them just moved to the city and are looking for friends and for some this is the only way they can meet women. However, a girl like me doesn't romanticize relationships over the phone…I prefer them face to face.
Like I said before, I'm sure there are people out there who have found love successfully on these dating apps and for some it just works for them. Unfortunately, not for me. I guess I'm just little old fashioned.
