Why it's Okay to be Alone

From the age of 17-23 I was terrified of the thought of being alone. I would have rather (at the time) be miserable and feel alone in a relationship, then actually deal with the reality of being single. Through the time of dating I realized that the reason why I was afraid of being by myself was because I was too scared to come face to face with my own insecurities. It was easier to cry over a boy than cry over the flaws I secretly buried deep inside my core.

As hard as it was to battle through toxic relationships that lead to months of therapy, I slowly started to understand why I needed to be alone. It wasn’t because I didn’t deserve to be loved; it just meant I deserved to be happy. Needless to say, the only way anyone can achieve that is if they find it within themselves.

I asked a few friends of mine what did being alone mean to them. Almost all of them defined it different  from the saying "to be by yourself". They later explained, "being alone sounds scarier because it means being isolated and lonely, whereas being by yourself means being in total solitude of yourself."  I am here to tell you regardless on how you say it, it’s the same shit.

I say its the same shit because I call it for what is. Being alone means being by yourself. It means not depending your happiness on someone else. It means doing all the things you want to do and not having to compromise that for someone else. Being alone is understanding that this life you are given is yours! Your life is meant to be lived for YOU, not for your friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, family, or pet (unless its a cat of course.)

For me, being alone means looking forward to my morning coffee than a morning text. Being alone means going on a vacation because I want to, not because I need to validate my friendships and relationships. Being alone means wearing a beautiful dress because I know I am beautiful, not because I want to be called beautiful. I have desperately searched for validation in so many shitty people, when all along the only person I needed it from was ME.

So if anyone tells you, you need to be alone, here are some examples on why it's a good thing:

• It allows you to reflect on your past and view it with a different perspective
• It gives you a sense of independence; you’ll no longer feel the need of having a significant other to do certain things with
• You learn that everyone else's expectations of you does not matter 
• You learn about yourself
• Your confidence will improve because this time you will go after what you want and not what you think you need to settle for

Remember that the only way you can feel lonely is if you’re unhappy with yourself. You must like who you are in order to be okay with being alone. So trust me, it’s not as scary as you think, it is actually liberating and rewarding.