Pushing Through & Moving Forward

A few months ago I was the unhappiest I've ever been and according to my car singing snapchats, and candid photos on Instagram…anyone would have believed differently. I hated my job, the people I was surrounded by, I was so fucking broke, and I had lost so much weight I pretended to be on a new diet. 

I found myself responsible for digging myself into this hole I created. I had no one to blame for where I was because I chose to stay there. I chose to stay at my shitty job, I chose to be surrounded by the same people I started to resent, I chose to stay in a toxic relationship, I chose to be unhappy instead of just letting go and walking away from everything that chipped away at my happiness. I felt ashamed of the amount of pain I was allowing myself to tolerate and I didn't want to be wrong about the decisions I was making. I didn't want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing how bad I was doing because admitting that meant I was wrong. 

I decided to go back to therapy and be honest about what I was going through and what I was feeling. My therapist explained to me it didn't matter what advice she could give me or what anyone else was saying to me, it was up to me to make the change and it wouldn't happen until I was ready. I couldn't fathom the idea of going through what I was going through for another month. I couldn't deal with the mental breakdowns, not eating, feeling stressed out, and pretending to have it all together when I didn't. I needed to get out of my comfort zone and admit to myself that if I wanted things to be different, things had to change. 

You know how sometimes in life it takes one bad thing to happen for you to finally say enough is enough? Well, in a silver lining, that's what happened to me. I finally realized I needed to put myself first, not the person I was dating or this shitty job, ME! I had to take care of myself because no one was going to save me from where I was. I finally had to make the right choice and not victimize myself for the things that was created around me. I needed to take responsibility and forgive myself. I needed to break free. 

So I finally broke free and did the one thing I failed to do from the start which was to trust myself again.  

I quit my stupid ass job and found a better one. I dumped my ex and I let go of the people I felt didn't add value to my life. I finally changed my major and start the new semester in 2 weeks and finally….got back to the one thing that adds excitement and love to my life…traveling. 

I’m starting to feel like myself again and now have so much more to look forward to. I have my moments where I get waves of painful memories but every day gets easier & I feel stronger than before. 

I’m finally excited about the future because, for the first time in a long time, I know exactly where I'm going which is forward.