Why I Decided to Become a Blogger

For a very long time, I had high expectations of myself. I would set impossible goals that would add so much pressure and stress to myself that ironically, my need for constant motivation turned into self-destruction. I did this often without realizing and in return, abused myself with self-hate all due to never truly feeling I would amount to anything. Rough right? 

You see my perception of success was to own an office with a view, wear nice business outfits, and drive a Mercedes Benz. In my mind, the only way I could quickly accomplish such things in the prime of my twenties was if I worked in the finance field. Anything other than that just seemed like a joke or a waste of time. So I got my associates degree at my local community college and transferred to the University of Central Florida to major in finance. 

Two semesters, multiple bottles of Adderall, and constant meltdowns later I didn't understand why I couldn't stay on track with school. I would sit in my classes dumbfounded with the material not being able to focus. I would stare at the other students seemingly so engaged with the lesson and afterward exchange their numbers with each other to form study groups. Meanwhile, all I kept thinking was that I was too stupid to understand the lesson and how my path had no direction because I couldn't bring myself to give a damn. 

I eventually met with a mentor explaining my dilemma and she asked me “if you could do anything in the world without money ever being an issue, what would you do?” Without hesitation, I said, “travel the world and write about it.” She asked me, “Why not follow your passion?” I then simply explained to her I couldn't because I was afraid of failure. If I did anything else other than major in finance I couldn't buy the nice house, drive the nice car, or travel the world. 

The irony was that although I was afraid of failure, I was already experiencing it. I was failing at making myself happy, I was failing at following my passions, I was failing in school, and I was failing at keeping up with my life all because of this idea and expectation I had of myself. 

It wasn't until I was in my marketing class I noticed all the laptops before me had the professors powerpoint up. While everyone was taking notes on the lesson, I was searching up flights, hotels, Airbnb’s, places to see, and writing down a list of articles I would write while traveling to such places. I was creating financial plans on how I could afford it and searching up different website domains to figure which was the best one to host my blog. 

That's when it finally hit me. I wasn't too stupid to understand what was going on in my classes, I just didn't give a shit. I didn't give a shit about marketing, stocks, and accounting. I wanted to travel and I wanted to write. 

It took me a long time to finally admit to myself what I truly wanted out of life. I wanted to become a writer. I always admired bloggers and creatives who showcased their lives and their travel adventures and deep down knew I wanted that for myself. So I changed my major and decided to take a few semesters off to truly focus on what made me happy and what would fuel me to succeed in my own way. 

To be honest, I don’t know where my blog would take me but I know where I will take it, and that is what I look forward to the most.